Holiday Honey

There's Bromance In The Air

Flipping through the On-Demand movies on my cable network the other day, I was passively listening to the commercials for their featured movies for the month of August. I was shocked - but  honestly not all that shocked - to hear that they had an entire category called "Bromance." Surely that must mean there's a market for such a genre. That market, my darling, consists of the men you love and their buddies.

Bromance describes the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males, according to Urban Dictionary. The term has been around for a few years now, but was thrust into the spotlight last year when Brody Jenner and his posse formed a competitive reality show, based on the notion of adding an additional member to their man-clan. Sure, that's a nice opportunity for a regular Joe out there, but would it really make for quality television? Turns out, it didn't; the show flopped. But that's beside the point. In the wake of Sex and The City, there seems to be extreme emphasis on male bonding these days. Perhaps because now, men are socially permitted to act emotionally towards both genders. Back when our fathers and grandfathers were young, feelings and expressions of love, especially between two men, may have been considered wussy or homosexual. The absurdity, that two men co-habitating, spending lots of time together, or otherwise must equate to homosexuality is obvious. And then there's the whole question of, what's so wrong with homosexuality? In my personal opinion, nothing, but that's a topic for a separate article. I digress.

The concept of Bromance probably began two decades ago. Just consider the mob films of the 90s. Goodfellas. Casino. A Bronx tale. A bunch of men, spending tons of time together, providing unwavering support for one another (unless of course one displayed character attributes of a "wiseguy"), and seemingly paying a lot more attention to their dudes than their wives. I've noticed a TON of bromance going on lately. Many groups of men have guys' night more than once a week. I mean guys' night in the ritualistic sense, like every Monday and Thursday for example (my boyfriend used to do this, he's now down to one night a week; some of my male coworkers still do this). They religiously attend these ceremonious outings with the utmost excitement and adoration for their companions. There's a lot of trash talking, back patting, and advice giving. Oh, and a lot of whip and betty banter too. 

My boyfriend can be borderline obnoxious when it comes to his guy friends. He talks to them dozens of times a day, far more than he talks to me. He knows where they are at all times, and what they're doing. He has a standing "boys night," every Monday, which I believe initially revolved around Monday Night Football. Now, they hold guys' night year round, come rain, come shine, come venereal disease or natural disaster. All of his cohorts show up, same time, same place, no girls allowed (unless it's a special occasion). My sister's boyfriend actually has something called "Bro Time." And that's all well and good. I'm all for same sex rituals, in which positive energy can bounce back and forth between a group of same gendered people. That's the emotional soul food of life, of course. But I got to wondering, what's with the tribal nature of men, that's so potent that they put their female counterparts to shame when it comes to making time for one another? Sure we plan girls' nights, a few times a month if we're lucky, but so often at least one girl will back out. And overnight girls trips are met with great anticipation, but are often laden with phone calls home to the hubby or the bf. And once you leave college and enter the real world, most women don't have standing weekly appointments to get together, even if they might want to. Because things just come up, and schedules conflict.

Don't things just come up for guys too? That I don't know, I'm not a guy (insert sigh of relief here). But if they do, they certainly seem to make time for boys night anyway. Why are guys so obsessed with their testosterone teammates? I speculate that perhaps the most obvious reason is that among their own kind, guys can be themselves. You know that dirty locker room talk you've heard so much about? It exists and most likely far surpasses even your worst nightmares. And it vastly outdoes  anything to ever exit the outspoken lips of Samantha Jones. Have you ever found yourself an accidental member of a guys' night? I have. And it wasn't pretty. Dirty talk, farting, burping, TONS of gossip. Lots of Jack Daniels. When around their own kind, men can embrace their inner cavemen. Your pillow-talking boyfriend morphs into that poor postured dude at the bar that grunts, eats wings, and drinks beer. And perhaps you already do find your man quite unrefined, I guarantee he's at least a tiny bit more sophisticated around his delicate flower, you, than he is around his own species.

 

Ladies, why have we let girls night fall to the wayside in favor of the boys? I say we rekindle the flame of the fleeting 'ladies night.' It could be in the form of a power lunch, a yoga class, grocery shopping, or a Starbucks run. A standing appointment, even if only for a couple hours a week, when you and and one or more of your fellow goddesses commit to getting together and enjoying one another. The value of female friendship is immense. And women, as the naturally selfless gender, tend to let other priorities get in the way of the relationships that nurture their souls. Next time you think you might skip out on a girls night to stay in and hang with your man (again), or go to the gym, or just be lazy and watch the tube, consider the following:

-A study by DOVE indicates that 70% of women feel prettier thanks to their girlfriends. This is an important fact to also pass down to the next generation of girls.
-A UCLA study suggests that when we are with other females, our bodies release oxytocin, the feel good hormone, that is known to reduce stress and also to make you love your baby so much. (obviously, it's a lot easier getting it from your girlfriends than by having a baby!)
-Laughter has been known to lower blood pressure, increase intelligence, and aid in stress management. Who makes you laugh more than you girlfriends?


This Sex And The City exchange speaks volumes:

Carrie: Honey, if it hurts so much, why are we going shopping?
Samantha: I have a broken toe, not a broken spirit.

Atta girl, Sam.

The Power of Touch

    So, are you a "toucher"... or, are you one of those "stay-out-of-my-bubble" type people? If you're the latter, you may want to reconsider. Stewart Tubbs and Sylvia Moss (authors of Human Communication, 2008) have me convinced that touch has power that cannot be expressed through verbal communication. Haptics, or, the study of how we use touch to communicate, suggest that touch is essential for the well-being of both children and adults.

    Studies have found that those who can comfortably touch others are often regarded as individuals with high self-esteem and sociability. Cool! Additionally, touch from one party to another shows a degree of nurturance and caring. Here in the US of A, we're a society of personal space, and frankly, I don't think that's a great way to share the love. So, go on and hug someone who needs it... or someone who doesn't. You're doing more than you think! <3

Tubbs, Stewart L., and Sylvia Moss. Human Communication: Principles and Contexts. New York, NY: McGraw Hill Higher Education, 2008.

Premarital Cohabitation: Do or Don't?

A recent study by the Journal of Family Psychology claims that 70% of present-day couples shacked up before taking vows. The journal says that living together may lead couples to marry for the wrong reasons; namely simplicity and convenience. Based on telephone surveys of 1,000 married couples conducted by the University of Denver, married couples that lived together prior to engagement reported greater dissatisfaction with marriage.

In our sublimely liberal country that's free of any scarlet letters or stigmas attached to living together before marriage, couples have the choice to live together free of judgment for the most part. A lot of couples I know do this for financial reasons, even if they have no marriage plans on the horizon.

Contrary to the study, some might say that living together before marriage may keep you from marrying the wrong person (and yet another group entirely might say that marriage is an archaic institution that's for the unconscious). This is largely a personal debate, as are most social issues. I have yet to form a concrete opinion on this matter, because I've known some couples who have shacked up for better and some for worse. If this is something you're considering, remember that it never hurts hear  the facts and stats about something as serious as sharing a residence with someone. You can read more about this issue here. What do YOU think about premarital cohabitation?

 

Dudes & Your Diet: Relationship Weight Gain

In the beginning, it's all fun and games. You have romantic dinners, late night cocktails, and dessert seems so innocent when he's feeding it to you. Not to mention, your appetite may be naturally suppressed by those feel good hormones that are secreted in the beginning of a new relationship. Fast forward six months down the road. You're sleeping in through yoga, drinking Jaeger with the guys, and practically up to your ears in nachos and Amstel Light. Not to mention that extra five pounds. At that point, the need to impress him has probably diminished somewhat, and you just feel loved and "comfortable." So why do women tend to "let themselves go?" Most of the time its completely by accident. For one reason, when you're single and on the market, you take great pride in your appearance. Also, being around your man might lead you to think you have the same metabolism as him. You don't! You seem him inhale a bacon cheeseburger and fries, as you foam at the mouth over your salad, and think next time, you may just give in. I've been in the position where I thought I could out-eat and out-drink a guy, or at the very least go round for round. Men have faster metabolism and more testosterone, which helps maintain muscle mass, whereas our estrogen is practically a fat magnet. But there are ways around boyfriend fat. Limit your drinking to just a few nights a week. Stick to one or two glasses of red wine. Be snobbier about what you eat, and don't eat anything unless you absolutely love it. You deserve the best, after all. Jump out of bed in the morning and get the exercise you know you deserve. Even if it's just a 20 minute meditative walk, where you visualize the healthy day ahead, it's sure to help you at those moments of weakness. And always always remember: beer & shots are for frat boys. You my dear, are a lady.